So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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