I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
