I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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