Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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