okay pat passed out under dana's car
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
