You're completely useless in the revolution.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
