Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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