I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
