Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
