I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize