I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
