So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
