u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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