Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
