Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
