Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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