Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
