So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i came on her dog
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
