um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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