she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
