Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
