so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
