11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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