I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
