if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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