I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
