are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
