I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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