My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
