It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
