I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize