where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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