Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
