hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
