things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
