If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
