Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
