I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
