so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
