sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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