he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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