Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
