Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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