I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
