Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
