For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
