You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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