I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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