Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
