Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
