I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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