So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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