Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
