How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
