Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
