sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
