I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
