you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
