I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
