and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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