i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
