Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
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