4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
