Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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