Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
