This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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