I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
