I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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