Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize