It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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